I was sitting in The Pipeline the other week with my best friend and fellow blogger Dean Saliba and my cousin George. The three of us are all wrestling fans so naturally the conversation soon turned to the squared circle, and halfway through our first pint we were already on “Who’s your favourite wrestler of all time?” (If you’ve been reading my site for a while then you probably already know my Top 10).
As any wrestling fan will know, this is a difficult question to answer. Over the years we have seen many different styles of pro wrestling all across the planet and the sport has evolved itself generally, so to pick just one person to sum this up is pretty much impossible. So I decided to put a different spin on it. Imagine you could watch a pay-per-view featuring any superstars, living or dead, from any era of their careers? Who would you pick? Maybe you’d like to see Lex Luger take on Kurt Angle, or pit Hulkamania-era Hogan against his nWo Hollywood counterpart? Or perhaps you’d rather watch a triple threat between Curry Man, The Blue Meanie and Doink The Clown (If that last one appeals to you, you’re very weird).
Over another round of beers, we started talking about who would be on the card and luckily, I happened to have my notepad with me. The way we did it was that I put out suggestions for the types of match (Singles, tag-team, etc, and sometimes with a theme) and Dean and George each came up with their suggestions. Occasionally I would step in and override one of their choices, either because my inner Vince McMahon was kicking in or because George’s choice was shit. (He’s a lot younger than us so we’ll cut him a bit of slack – he pretty much grew up on attitude era WWF so his knowledge is limited to that).
So this is the lineup we came up with – one thing we didn’t do was come up with a name for the event but I reckon it really would be the PPV to end all PPVs:
Singles match – theme: big guys (400ib +)
Big Show vs Andre The Giant
OK, I know this is a bit of a predictable choice but what a great match it would be. To see Andre in a match where he was at a height disadvantage would be something in itself – with Big Show being slightly taller. However Andre was heavier than Show so it would be quite an even match. Our original choice was Earthquake vs Yokozuna but I dropped that choice when I discovered that he two of them actually did face each other during their careers and the whole point of this is to have matches that would not be possible.
My autocorrect just changed Andre The Giant to “Andrew The Giant”. I don’t know why but that makes him seem a lot less scary, despite the fact that Andre is just a name too.
“From Grenoble, France, weighing in at 500 pounds, Andrew The Giant!”
No, it just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
Tag Team match
The Brothers Of Destruction vs The Legion Of Doom (Original Lineup)
We almost did see this match on two occasions. One was The Undertaker and Kane facing a Legion Of Doom consisting of Droz and Animal, the other saw the original Legion Of Doom face off against Kane and Rob Van Dam. But to see Taker and Kane and the Road Warriors in the ring at the same time would be immense.
Bonus match: Edge vs The Great Muta
We’re talking late 80’s Muta up against late 90’s Edge. This one came about as we were trying to decide on a match featuring high flyers, but that term is a little too broad. Both of these men were quick and were no stranger to the top turnbuckle, however they both bulked up in their later years and obviously lost their speed. Neither of them could really be considered “high flyers” in the classic sense but I thought I’d put this match in as a bonus because I’d love to have seen these two face off.
Chyna vs Awesome Kong
These two ladies have one thing in common – they both competed with the male wrestlers rather than against other women (although Chyna did have a brief stint as WWF Women’s Champion). The other thing they have in common is that they were both as tough as nails. Awesome Kong (known as Kharma during her brief tenure with WWE) would have an obvious size advantage but up against Chyna she would have her work cut out.
Mick Foley vs Dean Ambrose vs New Jack
We decided to make this a triple threat as each of us had a different wrestler in mind. This match would pan out like The Three Stooges, only with psychopaths instead of stooges. (If the term “psychopath” only applied to Foley and Ambrose’s storyline characters then it certainly applied to New Jack outside of the ring). My initial thought was Terry Funk but we have seen him appear alongside Foley on many occasions and he has also wrestled New Jack, Abdullah The Butcher also came to mind. Dean Ambrose proved during his recent Last Man Standing match with Kevin Owens at the Royal Rumble that he can go hardcore with the best of them, so he would bring something to this 3-way-dance.
Singles match – theme: submission specialists
This is a difficult one as it was not long before Chris Benoit’s name was mentioned. I have reservations about including Benoit in this list for obvious reasons, but as Dean pointed out – there is no denying that he was a great wrestler, whether you can ignore what he did or not. George went for Ken Shamrock as his opponent which I thought was a good shout. Kurt Angle, Bret Hart and Brock Lesnar were also mentioned.
Stable match – 6-man or 8-man tag
The Four Horsemen vs The Wyatt Family
What is interesting about this one is that the Wyatts cut a vignette recently likening themselves to the Four Horsemen, which may have been instrumental in us leading to this choice of an 8-man tag team match pitting the current Wyatt family lineup of Bray Wyatt, Erick Rowan, Luke Harper and Braun Strowman, against possibly the most famous Four Horsemen lineup of Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Barry Windham and Sid Vicious. I can just imagine Vicious and Strowman facing off against each other as the two behemoths in one corner, while Anderson and Windham battle Rowan and Harper in the other and the two egos of Ric Flair and Bray Wyatt clash in the centre of the ring.
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Sting vs Jake The Snake Roberts
For the main event we thought we would again make it a triple threat match and each pick one of our favourite wrestlers of all time. I went for Sting because it was watching Sting back in his early WCW years that got me into wrestling in the first place. Jake The Snake was an interesting choice from Dean and was always entertaining to watch throughout his career, and George went for Austin who would be guaranteed to get the crowd on their feet.